Talk To Your Family About Money

Last weekend my parents joined my family for a picnic up in the mountains. My wife made a comment about how nice it was to have such great in-laws. I instantly starting giving her crap about what an upgrade of a life I gave her after we got married, including her last name. She then pointed out the fact that she came into the relationship with investment assets and all I brought was credit card debt.

I got called out big time!

This is when my Mom jumped in and asked why I never told her about my credit card debt. I told her the truth about how unsuccessful I was as a young 20-something year old trying to start out in the financial service industry selling life insurance. I explained that I wasn't living high on the hog. I was accruing credit card debt just buying groceries because my cash flow was so awful.

Mom kept this worried look on her face while I explained why I was too embarrassed to tell them and ask for help. My pride of proving to everyone that I could make it without assistance was too great. The conversation ended there, and I'm not exactly sure what my parents thought of it or what they might have done, if anything, 15 years ago.

The point of me sharing this story is that I believe you should talk with your family about money. Who knows, had I brought up my debt situation back then maybe they would've kicked me some cash? Although it would have been embarrassing for me to accept, the benefit of erasing financial stress would've made it worth it.

Now that I'm grown up (sort of) and actually have some money, I feel that if my kids ever needed help I wouldn't hesitate to hook them up. Maybe that's just me, but I think it's natural for a parent to want to help their children deal with life's struggles.

We can also apply this thinking to an elderly parent situation. If your parents are still alive, have you spoken to them about end of life considerations? It's definitely not easy, but the questions are actually quite simple.

Do you have a will in place?

What's going to happen to all your stuff?

Have you decided what you're going to pass on and what you're going to donate?

What are we going to do when it's too difficult for you to drive?

What triggering events need to occur before we move you out of the house?

Is there enough money to pay for long term care?

Yes, these questions suck. But what's the alternative? Having no plan and no formal communication regarding late life scenarios almost always ends worse than it should've.

I have a client who sat down with his father on several occasions after his mom passed away and talked through everything. The father even picked out his own casket! When his father's number was finally up, my client coordinated the funeral and burial plot per his father's wishes. After the funeral, all the siblings were given their respective estate settlement tasks. The whole estate, including the sale of the house, was wrapped up in less than 12 months. While emotionally difficult, everyone knew in advance how it was going to play out.

Usually, we follow our parent's approach to talking about money. We don't. I would challenge the long held stigma of discussing money with those closest to us. While it can be a tough pill to swallow, avoiding the conversation is an even bigger pill to try and choke down.